Tuesday, January 25, 2011

FW: Regrets of the Dying

Regrets of the Dying

For many years I worked in palliative care.  My patients were those who had gone home to die.  Some incredibly special times were shared.  I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality.  I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth.  Some changes were phenomenal.  Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance.  Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again.  

Here are the most common five:

1.  I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all.  When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled.  Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way.  From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late.  Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2.  I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed.  They missed their children youth and their partner's companionship.  Women also spoke of this regret.  But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners.  All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do.  And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3.  I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others.  As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.  Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others.  However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level.  Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life.  Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down.  Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years.  There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved.  Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip.  But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away.  People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible.  But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them.  They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task.  It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end.  That is all that remains in the final weeks - love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one.  Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice.  They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits.  The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives.  Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content.  When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind.  How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice.  It is your life.  
Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly.  
Choose happiness.

Monday, January 24, 2011

伤害

就算被伤害得多深 也不足以挂齿

就算在事业 感情 生活等

面对挫折才会成长 这是不变的事实

如果说一点点伤害就哭天喊地 试着要别人关心你 抑或糟蹋别人 不去自觉

那你学到了什么

人类的本能来就是无限度 别把自己放在同一个角落

每隔一年 转换一个尖角

你会看到什么

多得是

Thursday, January 13, 2011

生日快乐

就这样 我过完了我人生的22年

踏入成年期 思想也必须更踏实 不再执着于某些事

祝我生日快乐

Saturday, January 8, 2011

夜深人静,人去楼空

这一刻 让我感性许多

感觉这一切都不是我想要的结果

人类也许贪婪 现实也许残酷

许多事情都是以闭上瞳孔去面对

想要结束 但有多不舍

世界上 真正了解你的有几个

我想 没有

打开心房 有谁愿意进入 如果你肯 但你也许会看到灰色的地带

只有自己才会完全地取笑

为何 因为你充满了疑惑 空虚

放下心 好好爱 好好生活

恨你 是永远的

Saturday, January 1, 2011

感激

感激你们 爱或恨我

这些都是金钱换不回来的

2011年 往目标宗旨也许会更接近

但也别忘了告诉自己 我会更爱自己

1. 调整身体吧!使用过度就是武力。

2. 身体充电的方法有两种。一种是透过休息来自动充电;还有一种是好好地吃饭来消除身体的疲劳。灵和精神也是如此。

3. (产生力量的方法)必须跟对方产生施与受的授受关系,才会按照思考的方向产生力量,像电流一样。

4. 藉由肉体施与受以及藉由内心施与受,人是以这种相对性授受关系的法则存在的。所有东西也是如此。

5. 地球也为了存在,以本身的力量和相对的力量持续自转和公转,不停息地运转。

6. 钟摆也一样,依照「启动就摇摆」的法则,持续地左右摆动与运作来完成任务。人也必须在一旁透过言语和行动来摇动他、触动他,他才会运作。


1. Control/take care of your body well. Doing too much is force.

2. There are two ways to recharge the body. One is to make it recharge automatically by resting. Another is to recharge the body by eating well and actively relaxing the body. The same is true for the spirit and mind also.

3. (The way to generate power) A give-and-take relationship in which you give-and-take with a partner must exist. Then power will be generated like electricity according to the direction of their thinking.


4. People exist through the principle of give-and-take relationship in which they give-and-take through the body and give-and-take through the mind. All matter exists that way too.


5. The earth also spins and orbits by its own power and by the power of its partner and moves without stopping in order to exist.


6. A clock’s pendulum does its job by continually swinging from side to side once it is moved. People too: they must be shaken and touched with words and action by people around them. Then they will operate.